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Movies
Movie rankings include (a) the movie title, (b) an optional description, and © the man rank (AKA mank). The man rank is a scale from 1 to 10, 1 being Titanic and 10 being The Fugitive. Movie Diet A man's movie diet will contain at least one sports or action and comedy movie every two weeks. If there is no movie for one of these categories, compensate by seeing a second action movie. If you happen to dislike comedy or sports movies deal with it, you're supposed to be a man...... If you happen to dislike action movies call your doctor for a sex change operation and tell him you shall now be referred to as princess Rudy : ;The Greatest Man Film Ever All men are required by the laws of physics to watch the movie Rudy. They may under no circumstances cry or shed a tear. They can mention how much Norte Dame sucks, but may not call Rudy a crying little white boy. Rudy encompasses all that man should love: perseverance, football, buddies, and other things, like women. Watch the dang movie if you already haven't. Chick Flicks ;Commodities Exchange :A man shall only watch a chick flick in the presence of a woman. This is a commodities exchange, the man's boredom for the woman's cuddling. NO man should be subject to endure The Notebook . ;Fair Trade :A man shall require his woman to see one action movie for every chick flick she requires of him. ;Crying :A man may not cry openly at any movie. : '''Exception: '''A SINGLE tear may be shed if in relation to the death of a small and loyal companion. Example: Old Yeller, small child, a midget(it must be a ninja midget or midget of equal awesome value), etc. General Exceptions ;The Goldstein Rule :A man may watch an "off-limits" or "chick" movie if he is watching it in order to observe a hot actress in a nude scene, as exemplified by the "Goldstein" characters in the movie "Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle" (which is an 8 on the movie scale). It is recommended that a man practice this exception with another man in order to prove that he is not watching it because he is a closet princess. Such "off-limits" movies which feature hot actresses in said nude scenes include but are not limited to::*"The Gift": Katie Holmes.:*"Titanic": Kate Winslet's tits.:*"Brokeback Mountain": Believe it or not, this movie is mostly redeemed because of Anne Hathaway's glorious tits. Porn All porn is good, unless your girlfriend or hoe finds you looking at it. Shemale porn is prohibited, it makes you a Princess. Always check for fat black women before joining a porn site. Any real Angelina Jolie porn should be broadcasted across the net for all real men!! Movie laws : When two guys go to see a particularly awesome movie together they must respect the safety seat rule. That rule is, there should be at least one empty "safety" seat between each man to prevent incidental touching and allow maximum roll out space. Manly Movies Indications of a Manly Film ;Stars :The Manliest of movies should star at least one of actors on the list of Legendary Men (movies starring those actors are manlier in addition to their presumed manliness) ;Doorknobs :Doorknobs are an invention to make opening doors easier for women and children. In manly films, a door can only be opened with a) a kick/headbutt/flying kick b) a weapon, preferably of the shotgun variety c) a manly vehicle d) a thrown body ;Vehicles :A real man can operate any vehicle intuitively, no matter how obscure. Examples include semis, Harrier attack fighters, or any construction vehicles such as a cranes or backhoes. This vehicle must be of the manly variety, preferably with dirt attached. ;Women :There will be a catfight if there are two women featured in the film. If there is only one (referred to as the sidekick female, or femkick) then she must submit to the unbelievable manliness of the leading male (hereby referred to as the MAN). ;Guns :There will be guns. Blades are acceptable, however dismemberment must occur. (NOTE: Women wielding guns DOES NOT COUNT. A woman with a gun is like a woman driving a car, only a gun is a quicker death.) ;Weaponless Fighting :A man who kills in an original way (see Commando, True Lies) will recieve a vocal ovation and a permanent man bonus (a monus). This is the only instance allowed to produce an erection while viewing another man. (See Bruce Lee) ;Puns :Manly puns are essential in the manliest films. For example, Schwarzenegger in Commando : "Let off some steam" (He has just thrown a steaming pipe through a man's torso) :Any movie containing one or more of the following may be automaticly concidered a manly movie lest it contain unwarrented elements of unmanly movies (See Pirates of Penzance):*Train Robberies:*Bank Heists:*Piracy:*Covered Wagon Stick Ups ;Heists :Below is a list of men that, upon appearing in a movie for any length of time, make the movie a Manly Movie.// Presence of Manly Movie Stars In the event that the man below is NOT playing in an action or comedy film, their presence in the movie nullifies any guilt the man should normally be afflicted with for watching something other than an action or comedy movie. *Chuck Norris *Jack Bauer *Harrison Ford *Clint Eastwood *Arnold Schwartzenegger *Sean Connery *Morgan Freeman (Note: Only select films that Mr. Freeman is in are instantly called Manly Films) *Al Pacino *Bruce Campbell *Bruce Lee *Bruce Willis *Burt Reynolds *Charlton Heston *Denzel Washington *Gerard Butler (Does not include "P.S I Love You") *George C. Scott *Jackie Chan *Arnie I. (the tiger) Miller *Jason Statham *Jean-Claude Van Damme *Jet Li *John Wayne *Lee Marvin *Mr. T *Robert DeNero *Sean Connery *Steve McQueen *Steven Segal *Sylvester Stallone *Samuel L Jackson *Charles Bronson *Wesley Snipes (except Too Wong Foo) *Jean Claude Van Damme. Yeah, he's so awesome we put him on here twice. *Bolo Young *Christian Bale (except Little Women) *Tony Jaa *Vingh Raimes *Mel Gibson (except What Women Want) *Russell Crowe *Vinnie Jones *Christopher Reeve (He's Superman) *Sean Connery *Sam Elliot Off limit Movies :*Brokeback Mountain :*The Notebook :*X-rated firemen films